Dear Amy: I am a 60-year-old woman, out of the dating scene for many years.
I met a wonderful man on an online dating site. We spoke for a couple of weeks, then met for dinner.
He lives two hours away, so I got a hotel room nearby him for the night.
He picked me up in a new Corvette and took me to dinner at a wonderful restaurant on the water. We had a great time. He took me back to my hotel, where we sat by the pool and talked some more.
I really felt there was a mutual connection. He was absolutely wonderful. Finally, after five hours and some kissing and hugging, he said he had to leave or something was going to happen that we both might regret later. He said he wanted to see me again.
He texted me when he got home, texted me the next morning and called me that evening. We talked some more. Our work schedules are completely opposite — he works days, and I work nights. We have opposite days off.
I asked about our schedules, and he replied, “Let’s give this some thought, and I will call you in a couple of days.”
Well, Amy, it has been five days and I have not heard from him. What do I do? Should I wait, or should I text or call him? — Anxiously Waiting
Dear Waiting: The most likely scenario is that Mr. Corvette is using the matching site to meet other women, and you should do the same to meet other men.
The biggest difference between dating now and dating when you and I were young is the speed with which people cycle through meetings, dating and (sometimes) relationships.
The dating dynamic (the butterflies of connection, the swoon of meeting, the uncertainty of waiting for that call) might feel familiar, but the rules now are governed not by convention but by what people want. And the whole question of “what people want” can be surprisingly complicated.
When I was a younger — but an over-the-hill — dater, I considered online matching to be a tool enabling me to simply meet a larger number of people than I otherwise would. Early on, I think I realized I would not meet my “Mr. Forever” in this way, but the experience was a great way to practice-date.
Generally, I don’t think you should invest in traveling and a hotel room for a first-time meeting. If you want to see him again, go ahead and say so. Assume that he is seeing other people, and always practice safe sex. Pregnancy might not be a probability but STDs are.
Dear Amy: I’m in tears. My 18-year-old son was supposed to be graduating high school. However, due to his school suspensions he couldn’t walk with his class, but he is receiving his diploma.
My only wish for my kids was for them to excel in school and to watch them graduate. He has done the total opposite, despite my interventions.
My neighbor has given me a graduation card with money included, to forward to my son.
Should I make my son return this gift? Although he is getting his diploma, I do not feel he is deserving of any gifts from me or my neighbor.
Am I wrong? — Mom in Tears
Dear Mom: You should ask your son if he feels he is deserving and why. He might argue that he already has been punished; it is up to you if you feel he should be punished further. You might want to withhold gifts until you believe he has behaved in a deserving way.
I know you are disappointed, but I also hope you will not give up on your son. Don’t intervene. Let him face natural consequences for his behavior. It’s a tough world out there for a young person who doesn’t have his stuff
together. He’ll have to learn the hard way, which will be hard on you.
Dear Amy: In your answer to “Wants Romance,” you suggested that this romance-starved wife should read the book, “The Five Love Languages.” I agree with your recommendation but feel you misunderstood its basic message. Wanting Romance should learn her husband’s love language (acts of service), and communicate to him in his language, not her own (receiving gifts). — Been There
Dear Been There: Yes: Understanding your partner’s language is the first step, then communicating to them in their language (not your own) is the message of this popular book.