When my wife has a to-do (otherwise known as a faire la fete, gathering of awesomeness or party, if you’re into the whole brevity thing), woven baskets seem to sprout up everywhere.

Suddenly what once was a relatively basketless abode — not counting the odd hamper here and there — is lousy with wicker.

I’d ask her where they come from but I’m scared.

Really, when you’re hosting a festivity, that’s true of many things.

Suddenly your house is filled with more M&Ms and Hershey Kisses than a trick-or-treater’s plastic pumpkin. And cupcakes. And spiked seltzers. And ice. And don’t even get me started on the variety of snack mixes — from cheddar to Italian and every type of salted, smoked nut in between.

With the exception of the strange basket breeding, it’s a bit of a wonderland.

We’ve been known to host a few gatherings on our porch, which go by the name of BoP — or “Beverages on the Porch.”

Cleaning up from such soirees the next morning usually is a reconstructive exercise akin (I imagine) to the field of forensics.

“Obviously this splatter of guacamole means someone nearly lost their balance while leaning against the north side of the porch railing. The level of crustiness indicates it was some time before 7 p.m.”

“Looking at the impact ejecta from this brownie, I surmise it was thrown at around 10:30 p.m. from near the recycling bin. Though it probably was intended for someone, its crater will forever tell the disappointing story that it was not, in fact, caught.”

“The presence of a beer bottle — three-quarters empty — 5 meters up the east side of the house paints a disturbing picture of a party gone too far. The excesses of yesterday will be paid for with the fatigue of today.”

It’s a bit like Sherlock Holmes meets Guy Fieri. Or deductive reasoning meets Flavortown.

Aside from all the leftovers, the best part about cleaning up the next day is the feeling of a job well done. If you did your job right — provided the right snacks, properly hydrated everyone and introduced interesting topics of conversation — the forensics should bear it out.

And, you’ve got plenty of snack food for the week ahead.

It’s a win-win situation.

Email Anthony at tony.frenzel@thmedia.com.

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